If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what would you tell her?
This is what I would say to my younger “eating disorder self”…
Letter to my younger self
You probably don’t recognise me now. You won’t recognise me for the happy, healthy person that you see before you. I know that you are not in a good place right now, but I just want to let you know that you will get through this. In fact, you won’t only get through this but you will come out of the other side a better and stronger person.
It won’t be easy. You are going to want to give up. You will believe that you are the only person in the world dealing with these inner daemons. The ED will hijack your mind. When you look in the mirror, you will only see what the ED wants you to see.
A part of you will want to leave the ED behind, but you will also be afraid of what life would be without it. You won’t want to let go. If you try, your struggle with food might even seem to get worse at first. It’s normal – you are upsetting your inner mean girl, so she will roar up and try to take back control. Now, here’s the hard truth – this voice will never go away fully. But you will learn to disengage from the voice. You will learn that freedom is hearing the voice nag and complain and roar and lecture and diss you, but you won’t believe a word it’s saying anymore.
One of your biggest hurdles and turning points will be to give up the “diet mentality” and practice radical self-love instead. It sounds impossible now, but with daily practice, step-by-step, you will learn to love yourself. Trust me. At times it may feel like you are taking steps back, but trust me when I say this is all part of the process.