binge eating disorder

I Gained Weight, So What? - Here Is What I Am Learning Along The Way

I Gained Weight, So What? - Here Is What I Am Learning Along The Way

So, I gained weight.

I know it. My partner knows it. My family knows it. My friends know it. Instagram knows it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this. In fact, maybe you gained some weight recently as well?

There are many reasons why I gained weight; all of which are within my control. On the one hand, I have become less restrictive/obsessive and have truly given up the diet mentality for good. Yay! But on the other hand I have also been super stressed and anxious in recent months and as a result, my emotional eating track record has been through the roof. Nay! But regardless of why, none of these reasons need to be explained or apologized for. It is what it is.

How To Survive The Christmas Holidays As A Binge Eater

How To Survive The Christmas Holidays As A Binge Eater

Christmas holidays are supposed to be a magical time, filled with loved ones, laughter and sharing beautiful meals together…There are occasions to look forward to, people to see and things to celebrate. But for someone suffering or recovering from an eating disorder, Christmas can mean panic, fear and overwhelm.

First off, there’s the plethora of parties like the office luncheon and the Secret Santa parties. Then there's the gift baskets full of food everywhere, left-over cake in the office kitchen and your well-meaning grandma who has baked you all your favorite childhood cookies. And there is also a lot of stress, a lot of busyness, a lot of un-self-care.

The Night That I Hit Rock Bottom

The Night That I Hit Rock Bottom

Someone recently asked me what the lowest point of my eating disorder was. What was the final straw that made you change? I immediately knew what it was and was catapulted back to that moment. And now I'm going to share it with you.

I already talked in some detail about this here, but I think that a lot of people who are currently struggling with an eating disorder may find some comfort and hopefully inspiration in this part of the story.

At the time, I was doing an internship as a service staff in a hotel in London. I had just moved there three months ago, and even though I enjoyed discovering this new city, I absolutely hated my job.

Putting a compulsive eater into an environment where you are surrounded by readily available food 24/7 and get to secretly eat the leftover pralines at the end of the night is like putting an alcoholic into a bottle shop.

I dreaded going to work every morning and more often than not, would spontaneously call in sick because I just couldn't deal with the food confrontation. I would wake up every morning, promising myself that today would be different. Today would be the day where willpower would succeed and I wouldn't even dare to look at all the tempting food around me at work. I'd have a tiny little breakfast, like 1/2 a kiwi, and hope that it would sustain me throughout the day (it's so crazy when I think back to that now!)  Sometimes I managed to actually not eat anything for the entire shift, but on most days my willpower would eventually fail me and I would eat one praline, then two, then tree and so on. By the end of the shift I would feel so guilty about failing yet again that all I wanted to do was go home and eat some more. I lived on a busy main road in West London, and on my walk home from work I passed an endless amount of fast food restaurants that were open until late at night. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how that story ends...

Why We Do What We Do When We Know What We Know + How To Stop Binging

Why We Do What We Do When We Know What We Know + How To Stop Binging

Yoga, meditation, journaling: all these things are invaluable tools to make me feel zen, yet I often struggle to do them even though I know I feel more in touch with myself afterwards.

It's not that the activities are hard in themselves (though yoga can be grueling at times). It's the internal debate that starts up every day when you know you should do them but there's a part of you that is holding back.

The same goes for our diet. We know we should be eating more fruits and veggies, but instead we go for the heavily processed stuff. Why is that?

I used to think that it was just me - that I was 'wired wrong' and that I was somehow incapable of learning from my mistakes. I knew I'd feel good after eating a light meal and that I would feel crap after eating crap, but all too many times I would still opt for what made me feel bad, both physically and mentally.

My Story With An Eating Disorder - Part 3

My Story With An Eating Disorder - Part 3

At the end of Part 2 of "My Story With an Eating Disorder" I left you on a positive note, it almost sounded like recovery was smooth sailing. But let me tell you: it really wasn't.

I mean, yes, I started understanding what my triggers were and yes, I slowly began opening my eyes to a wholesome diet that left me feeling energised and happy. But consciously understanding the issue and actually reprogramming your subconscious are two very different things.

There was a phase in my recovery where I thought I had understood everything, had left no stone unturned and knew exactly what got me riled up, but somehow, somehow I still couldn't resist the urge to binge once it came up. Once that feeling crept in, there was no way in hell to stop it. I was like a roaring monster that just wanted food, food and more food.

Previously the binging used to happen on autopilot, but now there was a part of me that was somewhat conscious about it. There was this moment before the binge, just a split second, where I knew what I was about to do and why I was about to do it, but then I would still go ahead and do it anyways.

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